In our blogs and social media posts, we talk a lot about women who have survived romantic relationships with emotionally abusive partners, including narcissists. Some of them have divorced or broken up. Some of them are out of their life forever and their calls are blocked. They have moved on and never have to deal with them again.
But what if you cannot avoid the person who has caused you emotional pain and suffering? What if the source of gaslighting, of emotional abuse, or narcissistic behavior is someone who needs to be in your life or who you want to keep in your life? In this blog post we will discuss examples of relationships when you cannot simply remove the narcissist from your life, as well as how we help you develop a plan to live with that person in your life.
Toxic Relationships Are Not Always Avoidable
Although most people tend to think of romantic relationships when thinking of emotional abuse, it can be anyone in your family. It can be a mother-in-law, son-in-law, cousin, sibling, aunt, grandparent, or even your own child. That person can be an ex-spouse with whom you share custody of your children. It can be a professional colleague, supervisor, or client.
It might feel as if you have to make a choice between your own mental peace and the areas of your life where your lives intersect. In the past, perhaps you have skipped family celebrations, like baptisms, birthday parties, or weddings, so that you avoid them. Maybe you have changed jobs to get away from a narcissistic boss or co-worker. Or you’ve lived in a state of dread every single time you run into your ex at a school function for your child, because it brings up feelings from the past about the narcissistic relationship you escaped.
But doing those things makes you miss out. Skipping those events or changing careers is not fair to you and your desire to live a normal life in which you control where you go, what you do, and with whom you interact.
Co-Parenting with a Narcissist
Co-parenting with a narcissist is a frequent situation for many of our clients in both our private practices and our coaching programs. Amicable co-parenting might seem like an unreachable dream. A narcissistic ex is likely to continue with the devaluation stage in which they try to break you down and believe that you are a sub-par human.
When Your Parent, Sibling, or Adult Child is a Narcissist
Having a close family member who is a narcissist seems like a challenge with no good solution. If you eliminate them from your life, you are changing the family dynamic in a significant way. In some instances, this is necessary for your mental health. But in many situations, you love the person and do not want to cut off contact with them or remove yourself from family gatherings.
When Your Boss or Co-Worker is a Narcissist
Working with a narcissist is possible as long as you set boundaries and know how to handle the situation.
Let’s face it, if your boss or co-worker is a narcissist, chances are high that you do not love your job and are looking for new opportunities. But if you have a job you love in a company that you care about, you can co-exist with a narcissist. You can keep your relationship businesslike and unemotional to protect yourself professionally and emotionally.
Techniques for Becoming Narcissist Proof
When you participate in our program, Finding More Me, we teach you to grow stronger than you may have ever believed you can be. As you develop this strength, you are able to face the person who has emotionally manipulated you and no longer be vulnerable to his or her manipulative ways.
Setting Healthy Boundaries for Yourself
You may have read that it is important to set boundaries when dealing with a narcissist, but what does that actually mean? According to Psychology Today, “Boundaries can be defined as the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior towards us.”
The boundaries you set could be related to topics you are willing to discuss. When we are close to someone, it is natural to share our feelings, our thoughts, and our dreams. It is part of creating an emotional bond together. With a narcissist in your life, it is often safer to stick to more neutral topics. By controlling what you discuss, you provide less fodder for them to use against you. You also avoid engaging in potentially volatile conversations in which they feel the need to devalue you.
Setting boundaries means that you advocate for yourself in terms of who you surround yourself with, how you spend your time, and how you live your life. When you are assertive with those who try to tell you how to live your life, you can tell them in a clear, no-nonsense, and unemotional way that your choices are not open to discussion or suggestions.
Understanding Why the Narcissist Acts The Way They Act
One of the keys to allowing a narcissist to stay in your life is to understand why they act the way they act without getting caught up in their manipulations. By educating yourself on what motivates their actions and their own beliefs, you can have empathy toward them without allowing them to affect you. This way you can recognize someone who is toxic or narcissistic, view their behavior from an emotionally distanced place.
Why I Grew Strong Helps You Become Narcissist Proof
I Grew Strong is all about teaching you how to reframe the way that you view situations, and the way that you respond to them. We can help you learn how to feel an emotion without letting it take you down to the level where the narcissist operates. We help you get to a place where you can take down your walls but also be protected when you need protection.
Our goal is to help you develop the tools you need to not fall for any of their manipulations, whether they are someone you already know, or someone you have yet to meet. The goal of the work that we do together is all about building you up, about fortifying you, making you narcissist-proof.
The reason for this is because the narcissist from your past is not the only one out there. There are narcissists and toxic people all over. Some you can remove from your life and some you cannot. We are here to help you live the life that you deserve, the life you really want to live, no matter who is in it with you.