As a survivor of a narcissistic relationship, you have survived a relationship full of conditions. You learned that narcissists don’t really love. They use people to feel good about themselves. They use people to get what they want, or to look good to others. And sometimes they use people just because they can. So when you get out of a toxic relationship and start healing again, sometimes the last thing you want to do is get back into a relationship.
It can be healthy to take some time to focus on yourself and to not enter into any romantic relationships for awhile. You can use that time to identify what it is that you want. To realize who you are as a beautiful, worthy individual. But eventually you start to feel better, and you find that you don’t really want to age into the eccentric cat lady. In this blog post we will share what it means to put yourself back “out there” in the dating world after surviving a relationship with a narcissist, and how unconditional love means loving you (and your cat) for who you really are.
Fear is a Form of Protection/Terror Barriers
Here’s the thing about fear: the purpose is to keep you safe. It goes way back to our most primitive moments. Fear helps humans avoid physical injury when facing real danger. It tells our body to flee or fight back during a dangerous situation. It can be as basic as seeking shelter when a storm occurs, or jumping on a chair when you see a spider. It helped our ancestors decide in a split second if they should fight that wild animal or run away.
Fear can be more complicated and emotional. As the survivor of a toxic relationship, you have felt this and may still feel this. You fear falling back into the world of the same narcissist who hurt you. You fear moving forward and building a relationship with a different narcissist. You fear that all you can ever attract are assholes who want to get you into their cycle of manipulation.
After working so hard to get your life back on track, you do not want to take any chances to wreck the progress you’ve made. So the fear holds you back from taking chances with your heart. But the idea keeps coming back around: what if you found a different relationship this time?
Unconditional Love Does Exist
Maybe you have friends who are in healthy relationships. Maybe you have family members. You might even have grown up with parents in a healthy, happy marriage. Or maybe it’s just a gut feeling that you know that there is a human out there who can love you unconditionally because you are worthy of love and happiness.
So many of the blogs out in the inter webs focus on the signs that you are in a toxic relationship. We write those, too, to help you know that you are not alone. But what about the signs of being in a healthy relationship? One where unconditional love exists? Where you can flourish and be your authentic self while enjoying life with someone else?
Realities of experiencing unconditional love
If you make a mistake, you are still loved.
If you have fears from your past relationships, you are still loved.
If someone is angry, you are still loved.
If your partner does something nice, it is to make you happy.
If you achieve something, your partner is truly happy for you.
If you fail at something, your partner is there to support you.
Notice a theme? Things happen, but the love stays.
Unconditional love means that no matter what happens, you are still loved. At least within reason. You need to be honest, and a good person. Unconditional love still means that you treat your loved one with care and respect, and that you act like a good human being to each other. But a healthy relationship can handle miscommunications or mistakes. Healthy relationships can withstand the highs and lows of real life. They can survive the fact that people are complicated and sometimes messy.
Unconditional love can handle miscommunications or mistake
These things can seem too good to be true. It can seem like you are just at the start of someone else’s love-bombing phase. But the truth is that there are decent human beings out in the world who simply want to spend their life happily with someone. Who have no trickery up their sleeves. No ulterior motives. And you are just as deserving as anyone else of this sort of unconditional love.
You Won’t be the Same Person This Time
One of the most important things to remember is that when the time is right for you to start dating, you won’t be the same person that you were. Because I Grew Strong helps you work on your own core beliefs about yourself, you will be strong. You will have a vision for what your life should be. You will instinctively only accept unconditional love.
If a narcissist tries to enter your world, you will understand that anyone who doesn’t love you without conditions does not fit into your life anymore. You will no longer tolerate people who want anything but the best for you. You will never be that “chained up little person” like in our namesake song, I Grew Strong, ever again.
I Grew Strong is not about getting you into your next relationship. It is not a dating plan. It is about helping you grow strong as an individual so you can live the life you truly want, with or without a romantic partner. Having a significant other or spouse along for the ride, though, is a beautiful part of life, when it is a healthy, positive, unconditional love. And until you are ready, there are cats.