If you have been involved in an unhealthy romantic relationship – or if you are still in one- it is likely that you have experienced love bombing. Love bombing happens when someone professes over the top displays of love and affection with the purpose of alienating you from your regular life. The goal of love bombing is to earn your trust so that you can be manipulated and controlled later in the relationship.
Not all relationships that begin with a whirlwind romance can be considered toxic. In many instances, long-lasting, loving, healthy relationships begin at a fast pace. There are several differences between those romances and the love bombing that a narcissist inflicts on his victims. In this blog post we will share some of the key differences between love bombing and a relationship that starts off at a fast pace and turns into a healthy relationship.
Love Bombing Distances You from Your Real Life
One of the key differences between love bombing and a healthy relationship is that the goal of love bombing is to distance you from the people and important aspects of your own life. By showering you with gifts, physical affection, and words of affirmation, the love bomber pulls you into their world and away from your own.
In a healthy relationship, two people share each other’s lives. While they might go through an initial honeymoon phase where they only want to be together, they still want to get to know each other’s friends, families, and colleagues. Making those introductions is exciting and joyful. In a healthy relationship, you want your loved ones to be together and like each other.
In a healthy relationship, partners support each other’s dreams, and understand that they had jobs, hobbies, volunteer work, and other interests before they met, aka an entire life. Because they care about the other person, they want their partner to keep doing all the things that made them happy before they met. Even though they may move at a fast pace, they understand that they are blending their lives together and complementing each other’s world.
In a toxic relationship in which love bombing occurs, the narcissist has no interest in getting to know your friends or family. He works hard to pull you into his world and remove you from your own. If you need to work late or want to do the things that you used to do before you met, the narcissist becomes jealous and confrontational. The narcissist will shower you in gifts and attention to prevent you from being distracted by life outside of your relationship, so that eventually you are living entirely in a world of his making instead of the world that you once knew.
Love Bombing Is Designed to Throw You Off Balance
Once the narcissist has done enough love bombing to separate you from your own life, you find yourself without a supportive network when things start to go wrong in your relationship. Because you have thrown yourself into the relationship and been distanced from your friends and family, you feel as though you cannot reach out to them for advice.
If you do reach out to friends and family and receive feedback, you discredit their input, thinking that they don’t know your partner like you do. You think that they just don’t understand the situation and what your partner is like at his best. Because you’ve been the recipient of the narcissist’s affections, you have experienced how good it can be, and you believe that this new phase is just that, a blip in your otherwise happy life.
Love Bombing is Cyclic
When a healthy relationship starts off with a flurry of interest and romance, the “honeymoon” phase gradually calms down and the couple settles into a slower paced day-to-day life. There is still love and romance, they still plan special dates and have romantic moments, but overall, they settle into life together.
Love bombing is cyclic, meaning that the narcissist will resume his efforts whenever he feels that you are starting to distance yourself from him or figure out that your relationship is not good for you. When the narcissist senses that you are starting to distance yourself or realize that you are not in a healthy relationship, he turns on the charm again to woo you back into his good graces. You find yourself feeling loved and secure again, a welcome change from feeling devalued and lonely, which is exactly where the narcissist wants you to be. This feeling of being secure and happy will not last, though, because the narcissist’s goal is not to make you happy, it is to manipulate and control you.
How to Stop the Love Bombing Cycle
Getting caught up by love bombing is difficult because it feels so good to be loved. Being showered with praise and gifts makes you feel special and appreciated. Your body reacts by producing hormones that make you feel good, so you choose to overlook the red flags that pop up. Being loved is a basic human need, and when it is given so readily, it is hard to say no or see it realistically for what it truly is.
The reality is that if you are caught up in a relationship with a narcissist, the only way to stop the cycle of love bombing is to end the relationship. When you try to distance yourself or break up with him, he will double down on his efforts to keep you. The strength that you need to free yourself is one of the reasons we identify with the song I Will Survive. In order to leave a narcissistic relationship, you need to grow strong and remain strong to resist the narcissist’s manipulations that are designed to make you stay.
The good news is that it is possible to do so. We have both done it, and many of our program participants have done it, too. When you are ready to heal from it, and to open yourself up to the possibility of living the life you want to live, we are here for you. Click here to contact us.